The flip-flopper

It's true, I admit it.  Sometimes I can be pretty rigid about following the plan.  Surprising, indeed, to those who know me since I am usually footloose and fancy free, but dammit, if I had painting on the schedule at 12:00 hours and the park at 13:30, and picnic snack at 15:00 hours, well then that's what we'll be doing.  EVEN IF IT KILLS US! 

When I think back, I can trace this behavior directly to the nap.  If we don't get back home for the 12:30 nap we're going to be SCREWED! 

Same thing with rules, if bed time is 19:45 hours, then dammit your head will be on the pillow at 19:45 hours.  If I said you have to be dressed before you eat breakfast, well you better not even sit at the dining room table unless there is clean underwear, new socks, and some new clothes on your body.  It's all about consistency right? 

So your kid wants to eat breakfast first and then get dressed........you think:


1. Will my kids listen to me if I don't stick to my guns?
2. Will they know that "it's time to go" when I say "it's time to go" if I don't stick to the schedule?
3. Will they ignore the rules if I give in?

What to do?

TRY THIS:  "Peanut, I worry about us being late to school if you eat first and then get dressed.  But if you think you can do it the other way around and not be late for school, I am willing to give it a try.  Why don't we do it your way for a week, and if we are not late for school, we'll stick with it."

NOT THAT:  You can't have breakfast till you're dressed, even if it means going to school without breakfast.

WHY:  Have you heard about the domino theory?  It's the idea that if you give in once, it will set in motion a chain of events that results in your children no longer listening to you. EVER.  Domino theory is crap.  Kids learn from parents who take current events into consideration and re-evaluate the situation.  If a rule isn't justified, or isn't developmentally appropriate, then it makes sense to adjust the rule.  In other words, you can be flexible without giving up consistency.  For example, the offspring has to be out the door, dressed and fed by 8:30, but the order doesn't matter.  Explain your reasoning and teach your child to explain her/his reasoning for wanting to do things differently.  Ultimately, kids will be more compliant if your rules don't seem arbitrary and they recognize that you are willing to be flexible if it makes sense.  FYI:  this goes for toddlers, teenagers, and spouses ;)