The flip-flopper

It's true, I admit it.  Sometimes I can be pretty rigid about following the plan.  Surprising, indeed, to those who know me since I am usually footloose and fancy free, but dammit, if I had painting on the schedule at 12:00 hours and the park at 13:30, and picnic snack at 15:00 hours, well then that's what we'll be doing.  EVEN IF IT KILLS US! 

When I think back, I can trace this behavior directly to the nap.  If we don't get back home for the 12:30 nap we're going to be SCREWED! 

Same thing with rules, if bed time is 19:45 hours, then dammit your head will be on the pillow at 19:45 hours.  If I said you have to be dressed before you eat breakfast, well you better not even sit at the dining room table unless there is clean underwear, new socks, and some new clothes on your body.  It's all about consistency right? 

So your kid wants to eat breakfast first and then get dressed........you think:


1. Will my kids listen to me if I don't stick to my guns?
2. Will they know that "it's time to go" when I say "it's time to go" if I don't stick to the schedule?
3. Will they ignore the rules if I give in?

What to do?

TRY THIS:  "Peanut, I worry about us being late to school if you eat first and then get dressed.  But if you think you can do it the other way around and not be late for school, I am willing to give it a try.  Why don't we do it your way for a week, and if we are not late for school, we'll stick with it."

NOT THAT:  You can't have breakfast till you're dressed, even if it means going to school without breakfast.

WHY:  Have you heard about the domino theory?  It's the idea that if you give in once, it will set in motion a chain of events that results in your children no longer listening to you. EVER.  Domino theory is crap.  Kids learn from parents who take current events into consideration and re-evaluate the situation.  If a rule isn't justified, or isn't developmentally appropriate, then it makes sense to adjust the rule.  In other words, you can be flexible without giving up consistency.  For example, the offspring has to be out the door, dressed and fed by 8:30, but the order doesn't matter.  Explain your reasoning and teach your child to explain her/his reasoning for wanting to do things differently.  Ultimately, kids will be more compliant if your rules don't seem arbitrary and they recognize that you are willing to be flexible if it makes sense.  FYI:  this goes for toddlers, teenagers, and spouses ;) 

Three weeks!! $@#)(*@$ Kids activities for the winter break

The calendars did not align....

You know what I mean and you're feeling the pain.

The preschooler is off this week, they are both off next week, and the five year old is off the week after new years.  First reaction -annoyed. Second reaction -grumpy.  Why can't the preschool and the elementary school coordinate their calendars?  Then reality sets in....what the @)($#$!*$(# am I going to do for the next THREE WEEKS?

TRY THIS:
1. Crafts - make your own placemat (paper and pens), make cookies, make robot outfit out of a box/paper bag, make masks (paper bags, pens, stickers, feathers), play-doh, create your own coloring book, make pot holders 
2. Building - make a fort, make a parking lot out of legos, card houses, Tupperware tower, mud pies, snowmen, dig a trench for action figures in the backyard with spoons and forks
3. Energy releases - running around the block (rain or shine), parks (if you live in California), hop-a-long (you have to jump everywhere), hopscotch (in the living room, use blue painters masking tape to mark off the squares)

NOT THAT: Nichelodeon, Dora, The Wonderpets, Phineas and Ferb, Spongebob. 
WHY:  Here's the deal with TV.  It's great in a pinch.  However, some kids shows (even those with a great moral like Arthur on PBS) often don't have the intended effect (e.g. learning, moral development) because of something I call a developmental mismatch.  In other words, a five year old watching Spongebob is going to laugh.  S/he is going to be entertained.  BUT they are not really able to follow the storyline and therefore not "get" the moral because that show is aimed at an older age group with different cognitive abililties.  Keep your children busy with activities where they get to explore and interact with the environment.  These activities not only support their cognitive development, but they are also opportunities for them to develop fine and gross motor skills, release energy, and bond with you!  Create a list of "go to" activities with your kid and then in a pinch, choose from your list.

Another glass of whine please

Whine and wine.  A symbiotic relationship? Causal? Recursive?

"How many bottles of wine do you need in the cellar to deal with the ___ year old who whines?" 

All kidding aside, are there moments when you want to tear your hair out? bang your head against the wall? or just walk out the door and let the spoiled rotten, ungrateful, ANNOYING offspring just fend for themselves?  Check, check, and check.  Oh but wait, social services.  And crap, you do sometimes love that little bugger. WHAT DO YOU DO?

TRY THIS:  Time outs are not just for kids. Give yourself one.  "Mommy needs a time out.  There is a lot of whining and complaining going on and Mommy is getting a little frustrated.  I am going to go into my room for 5 minutes for a time out so I can think about the situation instead of getting angry.  When I come back, lets talk about the problem with our happy voices and figure out a solution."  

NOT THAT: You are driving me crazy with the whining.  You know that I don't react to whining.  It makes me angry and frustrated.  You have everything that you could possibly want.  Why do you have to ask for things in a negative way?  Why can't you ever say please or thank you.  And why do you have to whine.  Did you not hear me yesterday when I said very clearly NO WHINING?  It's annoying and you are not getting what you want because you don't listen!

WHY?  By giving yourself a time out, you are modeling appropriate anger management AND you are giving yourself some space so you can breathe.  A time out is about re-setting the clock.  Starting over with a fresh outlook.  Reflecting.  You are giving your self the opportunity to relax and indirectly, you provide your kid the opportunity to also re-focus.

Do you have an Ernie? Establishing bedtime routines that pay off

Does this look familiar?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kk1Y4xo4XJ4

I realized it today, under the ponytails, frilly dresses, and Mary Jane shoes of daughter #2, I have an Ernie.  True, daughter #1 is a Bert, but that's fodder for another day.  Ernie is killing our already precarious sleeping arrangements.   Two girls, one room, and yes, one triple threat (Liza, Bette, and JLo) all rolled into one nightmare of a bedtime routine.  No joke, the two and a half-year old's head hits the pillow and all of a sudden we have a karaoke bar in the crib.  Twinkle twinkle, ABC's, jingle bells.  All accapella - and always, at the top of her lungs.  What to do?

TRY THIS:  "Ernie, I mean honey, when you sing at night, your sister can't sleep.  So we have to start her off in a different room until you are able to be quiet at bed time or sing quietly to yourself." For 1-2 weeks, have the one who actually falls asleep when her head hits the pillow start off in your bed.  When Ernie screams because she wants her audience back or sings at the top of her lungs.  Ignore her.  Invest in consistency -that means "consistently ignore her." 

NOT THAT:  Run up to the club every five minutes and tell Ernie to BE QUIET BERT IS TRYING TO SLEEP!!#*(&#$(*$Q#)!

WHY: Consistency pays off. Children who are not rewarded by an extra visit (even an angry one) or laughter (or annoyance) from big sister will cease and desist. BUT, over the next week pay attention to when she actually falls asleep.  It might very well be that she needs a different bed time than big sis who doesn't get a nap - hence the club act.

Seriously? More cookies?

Waiting for me when I got home from work today was a plate of cookies.  A thoughtful gift from our wonderful neighbors. Of course, all I can think about is the fact that the eldest (5) will be whining for a cookie every moment of everyday until they are gone.  How do I know this?  Tis the season.  It's been going on since Sunday when she went to a cookie making party and came home with a similar plate, also filled with sugar cookies and sugary frosting. What to do?  (BTW, as I mull this over I am eating a cookie.  The irony is not lost on me.)

TRY THIS...."Boops (one of my many pet names for the eldest), around the holidays we are going to have a lot of treats in the house.  This doesn't mean we get to eat cookies/brownies/candy canes all the time because that is not healthy for our bodies.  But I know you are going to want to enjoy some of the goodies.  So, why don't you choose FIVE (or what ever number you are comfortable with) cookies that look like they are the tastiest (you may want to weed out any offending goodies before hand).  And everyday after school (or after lunch, after dinner) you can have one of them until they are gone.  I am going to share the rest with friends at work."

NOT THAT...."Boops, cookies are bad for you so we aren't going to eat any of these."

WHY:  Kids thrive when provided with choices.  It helps them feel a sense of control over their life. Giving them some well-defined choices helps them feel a sense of power/control over thier own lives, which ultimately, makes them more agreeable.  Additionally, by providing them with information (too many cookies are unhealthy) you are giving them knowledge that they can file away and recall at a later date when a similar situation might arise.