Hello! I'm on the phone: How to reduce interuptions by kid when you're on that important call

Inevitable right?  Kid is doing their own thing and the second -SECOND- your ear goes up to the phone the offspring is tugging at your leg:

"Mommy look at this picture I just drew"

"Mommy I'm hungry make me something to eat"

"Mommy I need to pee"

"Mommy I'm bored, play with me"

So what to do to reduce, eliminate, and deal with these interruptions?

TRY THIS (SCENARIO 1):  You are expecting an important call, prepare your kid beforehand that you are going to busy for (fill in the blank) minutes.  You can't have any interruptions because you need to focus on the caller but you would love to put together an amusement table with child so that s/he has stuff to do while you are on the phone.  Play dough, books, pens, matchbox cars are a few key items for the table.  About 5 minutes before the call remind the child about the call and how you expect him to play on his own while you are on the phone but you would love to play with him when you are done with your call.  FOLLOW THROUGH....stick to the time limit you provided......play with child when you are done with the call.....give them positive reinforcement.  "Thanks for playing so nicely on your own!  That was so helpful and grown-up"

TRY THIS (SCENARIO 2): Right after dinner you get a call from your best friend from high school.  This is the only time she can talk.  When your child comes up to you....put the phone down, get down to the child's level, smile, and say, "I am going to be on the phone for XXXX minutes. This is my one of my best friends and this is the only time she can talk. As soon as I am done with my call, we are going to sit down and play/read a book." FOLLOW THROUGH....stick to the time limit you provided......play with child when you are done with the call.....give them positive reinforcement. "Thanks for playing so nicely on your own!  That was so helpful and grown-up"

WHY? Children want to be the center of your attention.  When you get on the phone they see that they are no longer the focus.  By giving them a concrete amount of time that you will be busy and STICKING to it, they relax and realize that you will be focusing on them as soon as you are done.  But you have to follow through - otherwise they won't trust you and the interruptions will begin again.   

Sticks and stones and MySpace: Cyberbullying and the pre-adolescent

Grade school brings back memories of lunch boxes, four square, and D.S. - my self-appointed bully.  I think everyone had their own personal tormentor and boy did I have mine.  He was the kind of kid who zeroed in on your weakness (in my case, my fondness for a certain classmate) and managed to somehow use that information to make my life miserable.  But luckily for me, the internet had not been invented yet.  I didn't have to worry about my life being broadcast around the world.  

Today bullies have moved from the playground into the personal online spaces we create.  Kids as young as 10 struggle with the 2012 version of the Slam Book (did I just date myself - Otherwise Known as Sheila the Great - July Blume - anyone?).     

Long story short, my kid is going to hit that stage, where I have to worry about internet issues like privacy, online bullying, e-mail harassment, and all that other crazy cyber crap that I can't even fathom.  What to do?

TRY THIS:  Keep an open dialogue with your pre-adolescent (old enough to text? Old enough to e-mail? Old enough for a Facebook account?  Old enough for this talk).  Ask the kid questions about how they set up their privacy settings and why they choose to do it that way.  Ask him for advice on how to set up your privacy settings (helping mom/dad makes them feel good).  Do they ever pause before sending a text?  Why or why not? Does she know anyone who has been hurt by something that has been said about them online?  What might a neighbor, pastor, teacher, parent think about the pictures/videos on your Facebook account?  How do you protect your online privacy and reputation?

NOT THAT:  You can't use the internet.

WHY:  Kids learn more from meaningful conversations where an exchange of ideas occurs, than from simply placing limits on their behavior.  Additionally, while you might be able to limit their behavior at home, there is no guarantee that they won't access the forbidden medium at the library, a friend's house, school, etc.  It’s better to teach them how to navigate social media than to ban them from it.

The art of interviewing your teen

Mom: "Did you and your date have a nice time at the movies"
Teen: "Yes"
Mom: "Did you go out to dinner first"
Teen: "Mm-hmm"
Mom: "Was the food good?"
Teen: "Yeah"
Mom: "Did anything else happen?"
Teen: "Not really." Teen goes upstairs
Mom: "Sigh. I guess he is not ready to open up to me.  Must be the age."*

But wait, teens actually report wanting to talk to their parents more about their lives.  Why the crossed wires?  What to do?

TRY THIS:  Go for the open-ended questions, "Tell me about the movie?" "What parts of your date did you like?"  "How did you guys decide what movie to go to?"  These types of questions require more disclosure, more discussion, and ultimately result in more insight into your kid's brain. 

NOT THAT: One of the most common mistakes people make when interviewing a participant (or talking to a teenager) is asking  questions where a simple "yes" or "no" will suffice as an answer. Ask a yes or no question and you will receive a yes or no answer. 

* Excerpt borrowed and liberally edited from M.Q. Patton's book, "Qualitative Research and Evaluation Methods

Mortification and dread: My kid is flipping out in the grocery store. Again.

We've all seen it.  Kid in the supermarket checkout aisle wailing, kicking, screaming, and hollering for a candy bar. And if we're being honest, well, we might even admit that the out-of-control snot-faced kid is our out-of-control snot-faced kid.  It's happened right?  At least once?

Couple of thoughts:

1.  Why oh why super market gods do you torture parents so?  That's the worst possible placement for M&Ms, gum, Reese’s Pieces, and Peppermint Patty’s.  Not only for my diet, but also for the rest of the customers who would rather not be subjected to a cacophony of whining, threats, crying and tantrums by a four year old.

2. Given that market research probably says that the checkout stand is in fact the BEST place to put that crap (although, TWIX is not crap, it's yummy goodness), what should I do when my kid flips out?

TRY THIS:  There are actually many different strategies that are effective but here are my top two: 

1. Don't give in.  Tell her that she can scream all she wants but chocolate isn’t on the menu right now as it is going to spoil her dinner (yes, it will be embarrassing to you, but trust me every checker has seen one tantrum – or many- so don’t worry).

2. Anticipate - before you go into the store remind the child that you are ONLY getting the items on the list.  No treats this time.

NOT THAT:  Grab a piece of chocolate to avoid, prevent, stop the tantrum from happening and avoid the mortification.

WHY:  By giving into the child the parent teaches the child that tantrums work.  “If I yell, and whine, and make a scene, I get that piece of chocolate that I wanted.” By staying firm, they learn that the tantrum strategy for getting what they want is pointless.