I clearly remember the first time my daughter lied to me - she had just turned four. I asked her, nicely of course, to go upstairs and wash her hands and face. She nodded, walked upstairs and then came back down a few minutes later. I took one look at her jelly hands and syrup crumb face and asked her if she washed her hands. "Yes Mommy, I did." Riiiiigggggght. A few days later we were walking out the door and I asked her if she had remembered to put her toys away. "Yes Mommy, I put all the Duplos in the green box and all the books in the bookcase." I nodded and we walked out the door. Funny thing......when we returned and I went up to her room there were books strewn across the floor and the Duplos were doubling as a bedspread. What to do with the little liar?
TRY THIS: "Chickidee, it makes me really happy when you tell me the truth." Or if you see that they haven't washed their hands say, "I see your hands are still dirty, let's try washing them again."
NOT THAT: I know you are lying to me and because you lied you will not get any dessert for the next week.
WHY: Kids usually lie because they don't want to get punished or because they don't want to disapoint you. Teach them that even though it is hard, truth telling makes you happy. Ultimately, kids want to make you happy, proud. Create situations where they don't feel like they have to lie to you "Did you wash your hands (lie is coming) vs. I see your hands are still dirty go wash them (no need for a lie). Interesting thing about lying -it's actually a sign that your kid is getting smarter! If you lie about something you have to be able to imagine an alternate reality and then sell it.
I left the room for a minute while my boys were eating and when I came back they looked at me with big grins and said, "We ate all our food - even our broccoli."
ReplyDeleteI asked them if they really had eaten their broccoli, and I told them that before they answered, they should know it's more important to me to know what really happened, and that they shouldn't worry about upsetting me, the truth is always more important. (Thanks Melina)
Their faces fell and they started to grimace, and then they said, "O.K. We put it in the compost because we wanted the worms to be healthy."
Then my youngest said, "I wish I were a vegetarian, because then I would LOVE broccoli, and I wouldn't want to put it in the compost!"